“i was cheated by a crazy man.”

I have a crazy neighbor. really, he’s crazy. In cambodia, using the word “crazy” is considered offensive in most situations. For example, you shouldn’t say “you’re a crazy driver!” or tell somebody they are making a crazy face. But people don’t think twice when they call my neighbor crazy. He just is. This guy, he’s about my age, and I’ve heard multiple stories of how he came to be crazy. First, i was told that he had a sickness as a child and is now crazy (and now he walks like a robot, that person also added). Another theory is that he finished high school, went to study at university in Phnom Penh, but dropped out because he became crazy. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that he worked at BBWorld, (a fast food restaurant in Phnom Penh) for several months, he often tells me. “Why did you quit?” I’ve asked. “Ohh, I got sick.” Hmmppfh. “But I know how to make hamburgers,” he always adds. I don’t know how it actually happened, but he’s been keeping me entertained over the past year, for better or worse.

It started off normal. He came up to me, speaking acceptable english, and asked to be my friend. This is how most friendships work in cambodia. Usually they will ask for your phone number first, and then they will say, “Okay, would you like to be my friend?”. Of course, i usually say. They’re all maintenance-free friendships, too, which makes them even better. It’s more of a ‘friend collection’ than anything. I say ‘yes’ but i never have to spend time with them. So i became my neighbors friend.Often he will shout, as i am going to and from my house, that we are good friends. “Yes,” I say, “we are.” Then he started to go crazy. Often i will wake up to his shouting, sometimes leading to confrontations in the street, in front of my gate. He likes to chase his family members up and down the street with whatever he happens to have, usually a big stick or a chair leg. He also likes to smash things in front of his handicapped sister, usually a mirror or something glass. And other neighbors stand around with that ‘oh wow, he’s really crazy’ look on their faces. He also likes to sing very loudly and comment on how good of a singer he is. (and he’s not too bad, for the record, if you’re into cambodian singing). Usually he will stay in the street until after dark and do a strange sequence of jumps, kicks, and methodic punches that make me think he has major plans to either audition for a bruce-lee type movie role or stick up the money changers at the market.

One night, as my coteacher was visiting my house, my neighbor came in uninvited, actually, ‘limped in’ would better describe it. A large, bulbous, pussy infection had spread from his ankle to his knee and I didn’t especially want it in my house. Looking past me, he asked my coteacher (whom he had never met before) for five dollars because he needed to have an operation. “I will pay you back next time.” Well, he must have cut that thing off, because he’s better now, but he still hasn’t paid my coteacher back.

Today, though, i had enough. I was standing on a corner in my town watching the cars go by and he ran up to me. And i mean RAN, like somebody was chasing him with one of his chair legs. He stopped just long enough to shove a newspaper written in Khmer in my chest (i can’t read Khmer, so don’t give me that, please). “FOR YOU, JUST TAKE IT.” And then he ran away. Whatever, I threw it out. An hour later, I was sitting at a coffee shop talking with somebody. I didn’t know he had been sitting next to me until i heard him yelling. I looked behind me just in time to see him SMASH a glass on the concrete and yell at me “YOU ARE A GANGSTER OF THE WORLD!” My coteacher happened to be sitting in front of me at the time. Putting two and two together, half-surprised and half-amused, he looked at me and said “I was cheated by a crazy man.” “Oh, him, yeah… he’s crazy” the other people said.

Several hours later, in front of my house, he asked me for his newspaper back. “oh, that was garbage, i threw it out.” That didn’t make him very happy. Neither did when i told him we weren’t friends anymore. But it was fun while it lasted.

At least we’re still neighbors.